Ep53: The Dark Side of The Net

0
Play

Jonathan kicks off the show by elaborating on “The Great Computer Debacle of 2012″… aka gripes like a bitch. He then proceeds to talk about problems he has been encountering with software loaned to him by his “peers”. The guys discuss back-up hard-drive options. The guys move on to discuss viruses, and computer security. Energy drinks are discussed, as are racial soda preferences. Ryan then discusses “Dark Net”, though the two are not related. This leads to talk of search engine TOR, all to set the stage for Ryan’s uber-presentation on The Silk Road Marketplace. Bitcoins are explained, the imaginary internet currency. Interesting concept, but beware, thinking about it to much will make your head explode. It’s all very Matrix-ey. Half time hits with some hip-hop sounds. The guys open up the second half with some legal disclaimers, and Ryan gives his home address for donations. The guys talk disposal of kiddy corpses. Jonathan makes some prediction regarding Game of Thrones (which turn out to be correct). Jonathan then puts out an A.P.B. on the existence of a serial killer in Mississippi. Jonathan gives some tips in case your pulled over, and Ryan does a scary 911 operator impression. The guys nerd out as Jonathan brags about his drumset, while Ryan bestows the gift of King upon his better half. Episode 53 is in the bag! See you next time nerds!

 

Bumper music is “Black Market” from Doomsday Productions, Brotha Lynch Hung, Mr. Doctor

Outro is “Damn it Feels Good to be a Lannister” by YouTuber LessTalkMoreMonkey

 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:


Continue Reading

Ep52: Teh Rodent King

0
Play

 

The guys are back with Episode 52! Jonathan muses on what it would be like to kill Ryan, and replace him. They discuss Ryan’s hosting abilities (social events, not awards shows). “That awkward moment” is discussed. Ideas on how to get rid of after hours clingers. Ryan sells out his vegetarianism for the sake of male bonding. Ryan’s wife’s gumbo is discussed, and it’s numerous ingredients will make your mind explode. Ryan gives a frank grading of the dish. Jonathan gives a music history lesson that may, or may not, be true. This is followed by lots and lots of nerdy music talk (thus, all the links below). The comedian led war on record companies is discussed. The future of who controls the media is underway… and the guys discuss it. Halftime brings us Fun’s hit single, “We Are Young”. We resume with the second act, and some more music talk. The guys have a brilliant idea for moving vinyl records. Irony comes calling when the guys chastise music nerds. Hello Pot, meet Kettle. The guys discuss their limited revenue options, with regards to the podcast. Ryan talks about rats of past and present. The guys nerd out, and that does it for Episode 52!

*Half-time music is Fun; outro music is from the album  ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ by Dangermouse & Sparklehorse, song is ‘Little Girl’, featuring Julian Casablancas (frontman of the Strokes).

*The Rodent King image is art by some pretentious artist known as ‘Daarken’, but his douchebaggey name can be mitigated by his awesome art of Nicodemus from The Secret of NIMH.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Posted in: Episodes

Continue Reading

Ep51:Working Class Zer0es

0
Play

Ryan gets acknowledged. Ryan tells a long story about work, but fear not, the uses the phrase, “retarded child king.” Jonathan gets hosed… and not in the good way. The guys discuss good company, and bad crawfish. Jonathan’s interview skills are complimented. Talking Vaginas and theatre reviews. Jonathan gives movie reviews. The guys talk artistic inspiration and theology. Two old nerds discuss Hollywood’s over-reliance on C.G.I. Half-time comes with the audio from the Sally Struthers’ College infomercial. A true mecca of education. We return with a Ryan rant on anti-piracy tool Cinevia, and Jonathan has some questions. Ryan gives some friendly… “rumors” on how one might get around Cinevia’s functionality. Jonathan complains about upcoming technical expenditures. This opens up Ryan for a Mac-rant. Jonathan is nerding on the iPhone, and Ryan requests a brief Siri demonstration. If Jonathan gets arrested this month, the Tax Man Cometh!

 

Mentioned In This Episode:

 

Posted in: Episodes

Continue Reading

Ep50:Teenage Mutant Ninja Nerds

0
Play

  Episode 50 has arrived! That’s right, nerds. FIFTY! That’s like, half a hundred! Ryan explains his recent absence and promises to improve his availability. The boys discuss personal space in public, and their fondness there-of. Ryan bitches about a idiot-savant co-worker. Jonathan bitches about complex Game of Thrones character exposition. Somehow, the boys wind up talking about 3-d dinosaur nipples. This leads to Ryan giving a detailed explanation of how he plans to fellate Michael Bay… under one condition. Ryan gives us some tips on how to pick an original Ninja Turtle out of a line-up.  Dystopian thoughts on movie ticket pricing, which transforms into an impromptu “Ryan’s Movie Reviews”. Half Time brings us the audio to the trailer for JAWS 3-D. Ryan proudly announces Jonathan’s entrance into the Apple family. Jonathan seems lost. What’s new? Ryan gives an unsponsored commercial for WarbyParker.com  This leads to lots of juicy nerd talk about glasses. Ryan calls J a square-head, and tells him he needs fake glasses. Ryan then puts his “Man Talk!” cap on and talks about some car fixin’! He also discusses breakin’ nuts, prior to another unsponsored shout-out, this time it’s for Auto-Zone. Jonathan discusses Keith Olbermann’s latest tv departure. Ryan explains the Asshole Quotient Meter. The guys talk about their latest roller derby adventure. Ryan gives a shout-out to AfterSunsetTV.com . Jonathan wraps it up with a “Feel Shitty Story”. Episode 50 wraps up with a theme you’ll probably recognize… Thanks for 50 episodes nerds! Nerd up and Nerd on!

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

 

 

Posted in: Episodes

Continue Reading

Ep49: Hibitchi Grill

0
Play

Ryan is accosted by giggling teenagers, and not in the good “have to pay for it” kind of way. Jonathan reflects on turning 30. Jonathan recaps his Henry Rollins concert attendance. Ryan celebrates Jonathan’s birthday by eating Asian food… without Jonathan. The guys discuss their mutual love of personal space. Jonathan gives some stock tips. (*Note: Jonathan Bell is not a certified financial planner). Ryan explains how one can financially benefit from economic and political turmoil, then explains why John Q. Nerd will not be able to cash-in on the Facebook I.P.O. Ryan’s plans of becoming a tyrannical sheik begin to form. Ryan calls Jonathan “an all-around vice-user”, and Jonathan does not take offense. The guys discuss the recent apprehension of Lulzsec core members. After the break, Jonathan and Ryan resume a smoke break chat regarding Jonathan’s desire to buy stock in dollar store chains. Ryan continues his weekly series, “How to do all of your kid’s schoolwork for her.” The guys discuss their future plans for a bygone holiday. Jonathan talks about the Spring Film Series in New  Orleans’ City Park. The fellows talk about British BBC tv shows, and Ryan’s new found love of them. Ryan shares a Netflix family viewing idea: Malcolm in the Middle. The guys nerd out and put a bow on it!

bumper music is a YouTube video here:

By WIZWILLIAMS103  ‘Dollar Store’

 

outro is Sarah Silverman’s ‘I Love You More’

 

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Posted in: Episodes

Continue Reading

An Open Letter To NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell

0

March 21, 2012
Roger “Adolf” Goodell
Office of the Commissioner
345 Park Avenue
New York, NY 10017

RE: SAINTS PUNISHMENT

Mein Fuhrer,

That is how you address a fascist dictator, hell bent on authoritarian rule, correct? My name is Jonathan Bell. I am a 30 year old season ticket holder of the New Orleans Saints. You remember them, I assume, as you just got finished raping them. As you may have guessed by this point, I am disappointed in your personal handling of the situation. Chiefly, the one year suspension of our head coach Sean Payton. My goal with this letter is to explain to you why I feel your level of severity, with regards to the punishments, was foolish, misguided, and small sighted (considering the surface area of that head of yours). I must say, your Napoleon complex is startling when one ponders the size of your melon-like head. I digress. You see, I’m just trying to let you get to know me; to see this from a fan’s perspective… It looks completely different if not seen through your own owl-like eyes. I am a fan. I work hard, I spend more than I need to on my season tickets, and I try to leave the stress at home, every other Sunday, when I go to the Superdome to cheer on my team. I don’t sit in the sky boxes, and have my assistant bring me my tea, while I stare lovingly at Bill Belichick from afar, from the comfort of my commissioner’s throne made of blood diamonds, and the pelts of 1000 baby seals. That’s right. We have not forgotten Spygate. Remember that? When your old buddy Bill, and your friend-with-benefits Tom, actually CHEATED. That slap on the wrist you gave them was so soft and flaccid, it belonged in your pants. I guess you were just saving it for us. People called you soft in high school, and shoved you into lockers, so now, 85 years later, you finally get a chance to show those bastards! You are the parking lot security guard of professional athletics. To be honest, I think you’re better suited to the W.N.B.A. I don’t know if their top job is open, but I do know your vagina would fit in better there. Or perhaps you could see about a lateral move over to the United States Table Tennis Association. There, you’d never be too far from a paddle… in case someone needed to be punished. I mean, if you are that into sadism, I could make some calls and find some underground clubs for you in New York City. You wouldn’t have to fly to Thailand every offseason anymore!

Look, I know you are under a lot of stress. You are facing hundreds of concussion lawsuits, and you needed a scapegoat, ASAP, to make an example of… to show you’re really being proactive. And you chose us. Thanks. I’m just saying you were a little heavy handed. You kind of seemed like a drunk frat boy his second week of college. Perhaps you are a drunken frat boy, but I can assure you, you are not in college anymore. For heaven’s sake, your hairline is receding faster than the British at the Battle of New Orleans. Its, okay, you can google that. I know the only historical text you’re familiar is Mein Kampf. Sorry, that’s just not my cup of tea. Besides, I thought you got a little self-indulgent in Chapter 4.
At the end of the day, you have crippled us. The fans get to pay for a product that is not what was promised to us. You get to keep our money, inflate our prices, and deliver a sub-par product for the next couple of years. That’s not good business, and I know you know business. The greed is thick in you. Be careful you don’t keep fiddling, Nero. I know that every year you want it to be Brady vs. Manning. I get it. You THINK that’s what people want to see. It’s not. That’s what YOU want to see. Plus, that’s so 5 years ago, man. Hang it up. You keep trying to make us watch the same movie, over and over again. You’re like the George Lukas of the NFL. Only difference being George Lukas fans know ahead of time they are being raped. You like to spring it on people. Why not be creative? Your daydreams about pillowfights with Ed Hochuli don’t have to be the only time you use a little creativity. Why not suspend Payton for 4 games, strip his salary for the entire year, and donate it to the NFL Play 60 campaign in New Orleans, or the Boys and Girls Clubs? That way, the fans get what they paid for, Sean gets punished 8 million times, and you still look like the big, mean, abusive stepfather. As I am sure you love hearing from all of the NFL’s fans, I encourage my fellow Who Dats to write you at the above address (Park Avenue, classy), or call you at 212-450-2000.

I’ll wrap it up (Great advice by the way). I don’t want to take away any more of your time from your Faces of Death DVDs, or your Son of Sam coffee table book. I know you need ample time to stroke your Tom Brady action figures, and prance in your Bill Belichick autographed thong. Just remember, the Who Dat Nation is proud, no matter how much genocide you attempt to bring upon us. We have risen before, and we will again.

Your voiceless peasant,

Jonathan Bell
Jonathan@NerdAristocracy.com

P.S. Next time, instead of worrying about defenders who want to tackle offensive players really hard, you could be more concerned with the number of attacks on opposing teams fans in many of your stadiums… or you could just keep fiddling.


Continue Reading

Ep48: Old Gold

0
Play

The guys feel their age, then discuss the ins and outs of grave robbery and post-mortem desecration. Ryan gives tips on how to win a science fair (on behalf of your son or daughter). Jonathan talks about hitting the 6 month mark in his relationship. The guys talk V-Day, and using Amazon.com (see link in sidebar ->. Practicality versus desire, the age-old debate. Jonathan boo-hoos about rainy days, and the flea market. This flows into a discussion on Mardi Gras. Jonathan recaps his depressing patronage at a non-New Orleans Mardi Gras parade. The guys admit to never seeing movies in the theatre. Ryan review the animated film, “Ringo”, then gives some tv recommendations. Jonathan defends his disdain of Breaking Bad, then returns the tv recommendation favor. Ryan has a nerdgasm over “Downton Abbey”, and invents the adjective “peacocky”. Jonathan talks about slapping the butts of film professionals. The guys progess into talking about some current events (deaths). Jonathan attempts to use the slang of the churrin’, as Ryan desires a large black man. Jonathan walks like an Egyptian, and requests pirated media from Ryan, with no respect for the law. Former Saints football coach Jim Mora provides the half-time chuckles. Adele’s break from music is discussed. Ryan sings the more-than-slightly limp-wristed praises of the band Muse. Jonathan gives a half-ass Twitter lesson, and the guys talk about enlisting the help of friend-of-the-show Amy J. Ryan addresses his expanding used-car dealership. Ryan’s Public Indecency Tips! Jonathan reminisces on a “chicken-head car”, then speaks about his “Venus Fly Trap” action. Strange, that one. The guys nerd out, and that’ll do it!

MUSIC IN THIS EPISODE: Muse, “Undisclosed Desires” from ‘The Resistance’ album.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

 

 

Posted in: Episodes

Continue Reading

TITHE THE CROWN

Allies