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Ep39:The Sexpert

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Sexual Health Expert Erin Barnes

Tonight! We welcome long-awaited guest, Sexual Health Expert Erin Barnes. Erin joins the fun, and enlightens us on many topics. Erin provides care and education related to sexuality, pregnancy, STD’s, abortion, abuse, and relationships. She is also a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner with a Sexual Assault/Domestic Violence Care Center, responding to sexual assaults, and providing crisis counseling, medical care, and collecting forensic evidence. On top of that, she is a Clinician with a client-centered Women’s Clinic, working in the operating room, and doing ultrasound, recovery, and pregnancy assessment. Erin joins the talk and schools us on all sorts of great things including forensic sex toys (not what you think), and how C.S.I. is not like real life. Learn how a Canadian endured Hurricane Katrina! We talk setting career goals, and we get into some serious talk regarding sexual assault. We talk HPV, facts, treatment, and solutions. Panels are now recommending it for boys, whats the deal? Erin educates us on women’s health initiatives, and what the Proletariat can do. We congratulate Mississippi voters on rejecting Prop 26, the “Personhood” amendment. This leads to talk on religion, Geek Sex, and abortion. Though the three aren’t mutually exclusive. The mood lightens as Erin dishes on what she’s nerding on… Hint: Winter Is Coming. We talk cold weather and hot acting skills. We get back on the sex talk and discuss sexual kinks, forays, and origins. Where’s the line on sexual fetishes? Polygamy: Not just for Mormons anymore. Moving on: the new Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, and Jonathan’s “Falling Down” style day. C-Spire customer service blows. Managerial decisions and delegations. Inflation hits office supplies… the joys of capitalism! Office Depot’s impending death. Then we put a bow on it!

Bumper Music: Salt N’ Pepa’s “Let’s Talk About Sex

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:


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Ep33:Lesbitarian Diet

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uh... yum?

Jonathan endorses Ford trucks, Edison shops CosCo, and Ryan shops the Lesbitarian isle of the grocery store.  Bananas Foster in Florida = sacrilege and just punishment.  Surprise: celebrity endorsed frozen foods suck more than varieties not spun off of a T.V. personality.  Gordon Ramsay’s dwarf porn double survives badger suicide attempt.

 

Winter is Coining ~ Game of Publications:  George R. R. Martin is the sole ruler to turn a profit from old-fashioned ‘books’ made from reformed, pulverized tree fibers.  Splitting digital and analog: Netflix spins off it’s more-analog DVD service into Qwikster.  J.D. Salinger’s nude cell phone pics!  Playstation has users agree to limit their legal options.  Nerding out on WoT and Saints.

 

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Ep22: Crunk It Up

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Horrifying new cigarette labels

Horrifying new cigarette labels

We cordially welcome the Proletariat back from a break and talk about how the show is best consumed like a single malt whiskey and -by extension of that analogy- how Australians are apparent rampant drunkards.  We update on our first video post “Fans’ Appeal to the NFL” and give props to offensive tackle Jermon Bushrod and New Orleans blog Canal Street Chronicles for giving our video some shout-out love.

 

Jonathan’s art house porn experience, Harry Potter about to climax, Geekdom versus Nerdosity and how our creative endeavors stop people in their tracks (and sometimes careers).  Ryan helps his old man, talented Gulf Coast impressionist of fine art, Vernon Reinike; Jonathan helps himself to San Fermin in New Orleans and takes us with him on a picturesque recount of a day worth living complete with gator traffic, Friday night shootings, Krystal burgers and more.

 

Today’s intermission brought to you by Jelly Roll Morton and ‘Dead Man Blues, Take 1′ from the 1926-27 sessions of the Red Hot Peppers, as used in “Fan’s Appeal to the NFL”

 

Back for seconds as Ryan contributes his experience of last year’s San Fermin and how his wife ended up in Penthouse, thanks to the talented long lens of Andreas Koch (pronounced ‘kotch’, not ‘cock’, despite what marketing may lead you to believe.  The guys romance analog porn, gruesome cigarette images, how the liberal school system is socializing children into not flushing their poo, the supreme court ruling fatalities are artistic expressions and Jonathan’s haunted childhood with Hansel and Gretel.  Speaking of getting medieval: Ryan recommends Black Death, featuring Sean ‘Boromir’ Bean’ now on NetFlix instant streaming, as Jonathan experiences deprivation of Mr. Bean in the form of Game of Thrones.  How nerds are becoming relevant and a powerful class of people after years of oppression and persecution.  Trailer vs. Teaser.  J.K. Rowling initiates online perpetual jackpot for herself and descendants until the end of creation: ‘Pottermore’.  Finally Ryan nerds on Quantum Leap and how Scott Bakula helped raise him.

 


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Ep 18: The Palins Are Coming!

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We roll out off-the-cuff with some missed callings, top three things we think we would’ve been appropriate at from fighting in the American Revolution, to investing in stocks, to being a Nazi, a porn star and more ill-chosen fun.  Speaking of stocks: Nerd tip of the month: Groupon’s IPO, grab it when it hits the shelves – Google thought they were worth 6-something BILLION, so that’s a good indicator they’re on to something good, no?  Mac crash, trojan horse, Chinese kidney for iPad and Jonathan calls Ryan’s goose-stepping support for Apple out.  Datacaps from Internet Service Providers loom in the shadows ahead as Netflix is cutting into their pie (your delicious wallet) sending Ryan into his crazy inner voice of psycho doom.  Speaking of crazy inner voices of psycho doom: Floridian shoots the hell out of a store for being out of crawfish.  Yes: crawfish.  NEWS FLASH: Sara Palin says something flipping retarded and Ryan breaks down the misunderstood natural eloquence that Miss Maverick embodies in spite of being assailed by the lame-stream media and lame-stream history books and lame-stream science books.

How about some tasty Watermelon?  Perfect for a summer break!

40 things that’ll make you feel old, including the 10 minutes we devote to reading this list!  Floppy disks, child stars, old T.V. shows, pubescent crushes on television characters and more.  Sony welcomes back users with their Welcome Back Package!  Sony also welcomes back another hack, this time to SonyPictures.com as nimrod-douche-bag-hackercratic group of keyboard sophomores, LULZSEC blindly attack hapless users who just happen to have a registration with Sony by publishing their information on torrent sites.  Another LULZSEC proud moment: hacking PBS for covering Wikileaks on Frontline while not gobbing uncritical praise on Julian Assange.  D-bags.  (Remember our podcast and site well folks…)  Death claims Dr. Death: we give propers to Dr. Jack Kevorkian and his three missions in life.  David Fincher’s leaked ‘Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’ trailer hits the net and is pulled BUT WE HAVE IT as pure cultural commentary, which should be protected under some law, right? … until it’s probably pulled – link for the full uncut ‘naughty’ red band trailer is after the summary.  Old Spice Guy, Isaiah Mustafa: The Man Your Man Could Smell Like” does a self-funded trailer featuring himself as comic book hero Luke Cage – trailer hits the net and is vaporized (really tried to find it too, sorry :(  ).  This brings up other times actors have petitioned for their casting of a certain character: Elijah Wood as Frodo Baggins in the Lord of the Rings series and Jim Carrey as Andy Kaufman in Man on the Moon.  Ryan nerds out on Borderlands on his PS3 as Jonathan nerds out on some classic X-Files.

Full size 720p HD The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – red band trailer…

Watermelon by D.Willz…

Podcast —


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Ep14:PSN Hacked and 3D Porn is Whack

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and I thought Avatar was a porn...

Happy post Christ egg day as we recap our Easter holiday, Jonathan confesses church anxiety and wonders why E.T. would slip him a ruffie and cop his ball shorts… probably because his funding to phone home was revoked by government budget cuts.  Speaking of aliens, Barak Obama blatantly continues to rule without materializing his placentae and hackers have made off with your confidential skimpies as the Playstation Network is compromised and is down for over a week, burning some 77 million nerds.  Our reign is called into question as Nerd Aristocrats because we are not omniscient in acknowledging the passing of some famed Dr. Who actress.  Rubic’s cubes take a new spin on the Sistine Chapel’s fresco of the Creation of Adam.  Electronic cigarettes FDA ruling: it is not a drug, just a form of tobacco… (hunh?)  3D porn coming at you from Hong Kong (what, not Bangkok?)

We find Jonathan’s missing bottoms and Ryan recounts video taping himself sleeping (nothing to see here).  Website updates about as exciting as news that Friendster states “I’m not dead… yet.”  The Royal Wedding to come: hoping for benign disaster.  Antoine Dodson “Hide your kids, hide your wife, ’cause we’re smokin’ weed all up in here”.  List of lists.  Ryan recalls a disaster of an audition then reviews movies ‘African Cats’ and ‘Hanna’.  We wrap up with Nerding Out: Ryan on American Gods audio book narrated by the awesome George Guidall and Jonathan’s video editing epic continues.

 


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Ep08: Tiger Blood

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For Epic Events Charlie Sheen Tiger Blood

The Aristocrats start off with a belated welcome and muse on their nerd youth a bit then talk about doing ‘ludes with Casper the friendly ghost.  This gives way to Jonathan’s story of jacking himself up on caffeine pills when in high school for Quiz Bowl championships in the state capital and Ryan counters with a college tale of popping Mini-Thins and terrorizing children playing Q-Zar.  In-depth Charlie Sheen tiger blood interview analysis.  Jonathan gets something wrong: what anemia is and Ryan falsely accuses Jonathan of mispronouncing ‘Centurion’ and thus gets something aggressively wrong himself.  Porn star karaoke, Oscar wrap-up, Fox News caught balancing the scales, the Supreme Court rules like a Supreme Chode.  iPad 2 is out and Ryan talks a mite about it while Jonathan struggles to stay awake.  Jonathan’s B-Day plans, some New Orleans news, listener feedback, listener photo-back: a miner’s pick in a hardware store.  Ryan shares a story from the set of ‘Loss of a Teardrop Diamond’, Saving Private Ryan on broadway, Thunder Cats reboot and why all the remakes?

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YouTube: Chuck Sheen: The Interview w/Good Morning America

YouTube: Fox News balancing the scales


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