Jonathan endorses Ford trucks, Edison shops CosCo, and Ryan shops the Lesbitarian isle of the grocery store. Bananas Foster in Florida = sacrilege and just punishment. Surprise: celebrity endorsed frozen foods suck more than varieties not spun off of a T.V. personality. Gordon Ramsay’s dwarf porn double survives badger suicide attempt.
Winter is Coining ~ Game of Publications: George R. R. Martin is the sole ruler to turn a profit from old-fashioned ‘books’ made from reformed, pulverized tree fibers. Splitting digital and analog: Netflix spins off it’s more-analog DVD service into Qwikster. J.D. Salinger’s nude cell phone pics! Playstation has users agree to limit their legal options. Nerding out on WoT and Saints.
Hail Proletariat! Ryan catches up a death in his extended family and gives a soulless summary of it, the nefarious grip of smoking and the baseness of Grief Greed. Updates on the Nerd Aristocracy videos; Fans’ Appeal to the NFL gets an ‘EPIC GAY’ comment on YouTube! from a trisomy 21 douche bag. This leads to a conversation about what compels someone to rail ‘Queer’, ‘Faggot’, etc. at someone else whom they perceive violating the norm usually in the area of costuming, exuberance or performance and that the origin of this type of outburst is usually from an inordinately ignorant hidden vagina of the heart weeping. How an editor can make or break a piece of film. Dead Before Their Prime Time: T.V. shows cut down too young… too young. Apple hardware / operating system updates and the slaughter of the white MacBook and DVD drives on the Mac Mini. Some fun with Apple’s EULA and Richard Dreyfuss’ lack of a demanding career curriculum. Channel ‘Teen Nick’ to air ‘The 90’s are all that!': keeping it real with ‘Double Dare’, ‘Clarissa Explains it all’, ‘Doug’ and more. Nerding out with Magic: the Gathering, Duels of the Planeswalkers on the PS3 and Game of Thrones blue balls.
We roll out off-the-cuff with some missed callings, top three things we think we would’ve been appropriate at from fighting in the American Revolution, to investing in stocks, to being a Nazi, a porn star and more ill-chosen fun. Speaking of stocks: Nerd tip of the month: Groupon’s IPO, grab it when it hits the shelves – Google thought they were worth 6-something BILLION, so that’s a good indicator they’re on to something good, no? Mac crash, trojan horse, Chinese kidney for iPad and Jonathan calls Ryan’s goose-stepping support for Apple out. Datacaps from Internet Service Providers loom in the shadows ahead as Netflix is cutting into their pie (your delicious wallet) sending Ryan into his crazy inner voice of psycho doom. Speaking of crazy inner voices of psycho doom: Floridian shoots the hell out of a store for being out of crawfish. Yes: crawfish. NEWS FLASH: Sara Palin says something flipping retarded and Ryan breaks down the misunderstood natural eloquence that Miss Maverick embodies in spite of being assailed by the lame-stream media and lame-stream history books and lame-stream science books.
How about some tasty Watermelon? Perfect for a summer break!
40 things that’ll make you feel old, including the 10 minutes we devote to reading this list! Floppy disks, child stars, old T.V. shows, pubescent crushes on television characters and more. Sony welcomes back users with their Welcome Back Package! Sony also welcomes back another hack, this time to SonyPictures.com as nimrod-douche-bag-hackercratic group of keyboard sophomores, LULZSEC blindly attack hapless users who just happen to have a registration with Sony by publishing their information on torrent sites. Another LULZSEC proud moment: hacking PBS for covering Wikileaks on Frontline while not gobbing uncritical praise on Julian Assange. D-bags. (Remember our podcast and site well folks…) Death claims Dr. Death: we give propers to Dr. Jack Kevorkian and his three missions in life. David Fincher’s leaked ‘Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’ trailer hits the net and is pulled BUT WE HAVE IT as pure cultural commentary, which should be protected under some law, right? … until it’s probably pulled – link for the full uncut ‘naughty’ red band trailer is after the summary. Old Spice Guy, Isaiah Mustafa: The Man Your Man Could Smell Like” does a self-funded trailer featuring himself as comic book hero Luke Cage – trailer hits the net and is vaporized (really tried to find it too, sorry ). This brings up other times actors have petitioned for their casting of a certain character: Elijah Wood as Frodo Baggins in the Lord of the Rings series and Jim Carrey as Andy Kaufman in Man on the Moon. Ryan nerds out on Borderlands on his PS3 as Jonathan nerds out on some classic X-Files.
Jonathan’s pain goes to the core from his ripped out tooth a few weeks ago to flu, and now his heart is eviscerated by what was once referred to as ‘the girlfriend’. We spend some time as Jonathan blows off the boil from being burned and Ryan manages to be polite and not crack wise; he is now seeking medical attention for his teeth-severed tongue. If you just want the light stuff skip on to 57:35 after the break where we pick up with some of the best breakup songs as recommended by our audience, the missed Rapture, how rape is like a flat tire and more.
After the break we bring in dj andyredrum on the virtual horn as he catches us up on forth-coming Wired 2011: Athens Dance Music Festival during AthFest (as in Athens, Georgia: say it with me… ‘ATH’-fest, not to be confused with the Berlin booty buffet for lispers). Andy schools us on the world of electronic music from the geopolitics of remixing other’s music to the boom, bloom and bust of 90’s electronic music as compared to the stand up comedy boom of the same time: from underground to stratosphere. How electronic music is everywhere now as it has seeped into many facets of our culture from Lady Gaga to Crest commercials. The Complete Proletariat’s Guide to Electronic Music: the Unimpeachable Definitive Objective End-All-Be-All Edict as espoused by self-proclaimed music authority: dj andyredrum. Andy’s tender roots in NYC, early exposure to club music, sharpening his skills in New Orleans and views on drug usage in the music scene. Andy tells us about currently playing Club 8E’s and Club 9E’s in downtown Athens and playing fart-joke music to please the crowd as his soul cries blood a little. We ask Andy to give us ‘copy n paste’ musical taste if we’re trying to pretend we know something about electronic music: your cheat sheet to plying impressionable young girls to your will. And by will, I mean penis. We wrap up on some Nerding Out on external hard drives, botched tooth extractions and home crafts, pretty much summing up who we are: gay geeks in pain.
Happy post Christ egg day as we recap our Easter holiday, Jonathan confesses church anxiety and wonders why E.T. would slip him a ruffie and cop his ball shorts… probably because his funding to phone home was revoked by government budget cuts. Speaking of aliens, Barak Obama blatantly continues to rule without materializing his placentae and hackers have made off with your confidential skimpies as the Playstation Network is compromised and is down for over a week, burning some 77 million nerds. Our reign is called into question as Nerd Aristocrats because we are not omniscient in acknowledging the passing of some famed Dr. Who actress. Rubic’s cubes take a new spin on the Sistine Chapel’s fresco of the Creation of Adam. Electronic cigarettes FDA ruling: it is not a drug, just a form of tobacco… (hunh?) 3D porn coming at you from Hong Kong (what, not Bangkok?)
We find Jonathan’s missing bottoms and Ryan recounts video taping himself sleeping (nothing to see here). Website updates about as exciting as news that Friendster states “I’m not dead… yet.” The Royal Wedding to come: hoping for benign disaster. Antoine Dodson “Hide your kids, hide your wife, ’cause we’re smokin’ weed all up in here”. List of lists. Ryan recalls a disaster of an audition then reviews movies ‘African Cats’ and ‘Hanna’. We wrap up with Nerding Out: Ryan on American Gods audio book narrated by the awesome George Guidall and Jonathan’s video editing epic continues.
No business like show business, Jonathan and Ryan recount a recent audition while real actors Brad PItt and Angelina Jolie are harangued by paparazzi in New Orleans. Both Jonathan and Ryan get something wrong and talk about it for a bit: Brad and Angelina do, in fact, have biological kids (future benevolent dictators of the planet Earth). Elizabeth Taylor has gone on to the Spirit in the Sky as Trey Parker and Matt Stone salute that Spirit with their Broadway musical, ‘The Book of Mormon’. Speaking of Mormons, Glenn Beck is a flipping lunatic alluding that Japanese disaster is probably the will of God. We move into the fun world of religion as Ryan waxes on cannibal Catholicism and dogma. Feeling good with some wrestling stories, still someone loses a one-legged ass kicking contest. Blue Angel bring out Ryan’s patriotic side and Jonathan remembers MS Flight Sim and Top Gun from Nintendo days. Ryan gets a Playstation 3 (wee!) and give his impressions on Batman: Arkham Asylum and Heavy Rain with a GeoHot callback. Falling down running for the border: Taco Bell is playing with our emotions. Satire so good its plausible enough to be believed hook, line and sinker: Jonathan brings in a story about republicans rounding down pi. Japanese disaster and Japanese Hentai. “Face off, now with less Nicholas Cage!” U.S. stretches its muscles in exercise “Odyssey Dawn”. Ryan spins the news and blues legend Pinetop Perkins playing in the sweet here after.